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Wrestling With Love
How Men Struggle With Intimacy with Women, Children, Parents and Each Other

By Samuel Osherson. Ph.D.

If we pay attention only to men's wish to run away from relationships,
then we miss their attempts to connect.
True  
False  

 
Most observers of human growth and development put our needs for
connectedness and relationship at the very center of development.
True
False  

 
Responsiveness is the ability to respond to and enliven ourselves and
those we cherish.
True  
False  

 
Guilt refers to the uncomfortable feeling of violating an inner standard
or taboo.
True  
False  

 
Shame means the failure to live up to one's inner ideals.
True  
False  

 
Although intimacy not only leaves us feeling exposed or inadequate, it
rarely disorganizes us.
True  
False  

 
When the author has spoken with men about the sacrifices of success and
what has to be endured as a man, there is rarely relief and compensation
just to know that this is a shared burden.
True  
False  

 
According to the author, women usually understand the enormous power
they have in men's lives.
True  
False  

 
A little boy may feel doomed to live in a feminine world while trying to
connect to the world of men.
True  
False  

 
The essence of a boy's dilemma is that it is very hard for him to truly
feel what his heart most yearns for: that he is his father's beloved son.
True  
False  

 
Fathers rarely play an important role in helping their sons "make sense"
of their love for women and of their sexual feelings.
True  
False  

 
Fathers who die young or abandon the family can leave an unspeakable
sense of shame alive in their sons.
True  
False  

 
Men often DO connect, and then need to manage the anxiety that actually
getting closer creates.
True  
False  

 
As men, we are all attempting both to stiffen up and to reach out at the
same time.
True  
False  

 
The preemptive strike in the face of loss is another useful way to avoid
feeling too exposed and needy in close relationships.
True  
False  

 
Another strategy men often use to deal with moments when their love and
hope leave them emotionally flooded is to become very logical and
controlled and "heady," cut off from their hearts.
True  
False  

 
For many men, growing older means wanting to return to or discover the
richness of relationships.
True  
False  

 
In the example of Pete, the author writes that Pete withdraws to the
refuge of his office.
True  
False  

 
The author believes that we do not have family "maps" - maps that always
ambush us or lead us astray.
True  
False  

 
Career shifts and decisions are often times of hidden stuggles with love
and shame for men.
True  
False  

 
Promotions are "right up there" with getting fired in the list of major
life stressors.
True  
False  

 
The mentor phase of a career is often easy for many men.
True  
False  

 
Money may be the major way a man measures his worth to those he loves.
True  
False  

 
For many men, fatherhood is the opposite pole from work.
True  
False  

 
The search for reconciliation and healing in the parent-son relationship
is often a crucial pressure point for men.
True  
False  

 
The death of a parent doesn't end the relationship.
True  
False  

 
Men, as well as women, who become physically or emotionally abusive,
usually start from a feeling of being unheard, unseen, or otherwise
diminished.
True  
False  

 
Women have an easy time accepting the power they have in men's lives.
True  
False  

 
Women in the workplace can often put men back in touch with an early
shame of feeling inadequate in comparison to women.
True  
False  

 
It is rarely the father's difficulty in dealing with agression - both
his own and his children's - that leads him to withdraw psychologically.
True  
False  

 
Fathers play a crucial role in the lives of their daughters.
True  
False  

 
A crucial step for all men in coming to terms with their fathers is
recognizing their fathers' limits and fallibility.
True  
False  

 
Men do not have the capacity to legitimate and validate another man's
struggles.
True  
False  

 
In men's groups the talk needn't center on fathers.
True  
False  

 
According to the author, rarely do men become the targets of women's
sadness or disappointment.
True  
False  

 
What is important is to locate the part of the self that wants to
experiment, to give to ourselves or others what we didn't get enough of
as children.
True  
False